Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
