Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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