1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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