the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
