Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
