Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
