dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
