Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
