Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
