If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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