Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
