WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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