12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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