May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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