We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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