dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
