So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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