at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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