so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
