Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
