My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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