Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
