I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
