Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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