They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
