T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
