the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
