Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
