Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
