I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
