Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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