I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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