with your own penis?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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