First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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