I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
