oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
