My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
