HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
