just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
