I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
