okay pat passed out under dana's car
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
