Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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