she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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