remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
