OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
