so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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