How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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