Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
