I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
