You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
